A harsh realization
Today I went to return the plates from the Intrepid and canceled the insurance. My day didn't start as early as I wanted it too but again I didn't sleep well last night. When I did get up, I was talking to my mom for a while and by the time I got out of the house, it was almost 12. I got home around 12:45 and basically did nothing else for the rest of the day. I just don't seem to have any desire for anything.
Dinner time came around and I was not all too hungry. I went into the kitchen and my brother Lou was in there with my niece, sister-in-law, my mom and my cousin. I walked in and then walked right out again. I just wasn't in the mood for all those people. My other brother Mark called because he got a puppy for my niece and wanted me to stop by and check him out. I left my house with the kitchen still full and headed over to his house. When I got there my other brothers kids were there along with Mark's. I saw the pup and hung out for a bit. My brother Joe showed up and they were all talking in the kitchen as I sat alone in the living room watching TV. Again for some reason I just didn't have it in me to say much or even get up and go over to where they were and then it hit me... I just lack the desire for any interaction... with anyone.
I almost felt alienated to the point of no return. I felt as if I was in a room full of strangers. Its a strange feeling and its not there fault... well maybe to some degree it is... but mostly its me. I cant help but feel that I am alone in this. I don't have my 3 brothers for support and they really don't understand what this is like. My mom is a wreck on a daily basis and I don't have an outlet. Sherry is here for me but she has allot going on too and I cant and don't expect her to jump for me. I know that she would if I asked but the bottom line here is that I have 3 brothers and if they don't want to help me... forget me! Its there mom and dad too! Out of my brothers, Mark seems to visit the most. He is here usually once a week. Joe was here about 3 weeks ago and has not come by since nor has he called. I hate to talk like this but the day is going to come when dad will not be here anymore. I know that I am doing and have done everything I can for him. I wonder if some people are going to have regrets.
I love my family. I just wish they understood whats going on and how it hurts my mom, my dad and me that they don't visit him more.
Dinner time came around and I was not all too hungry. I went into the kitchen and my brother Lou was in there with my niece, sister-in-law, my mom and my cousin. I walked in and then walked right out again. I just wasn't in the mood for all those people. My other brother Mark called because he got a puppy for my niece and wanted me to stop by and check him out. I left my house with the kitchen still full and headed over to his house. When I got there my other brothers kids were there along with Mark's. I saw the pup and hung out for a bit. My brother Joe showed up and they were all talking in the kitchen as I sat alone in the living room watching TV. Again for some reason I just didn't have it in me to say much or even get up and go over to where they were and then it hit me... I just lack the desire for any interaction... with anyone.
I almost felt alienated to the point of no return. I felt as if I was in a room full of strangers. Its a strange feeling and its not there fault... well maybe to some degree it is... but mostly its me. I cant help but feel that I am alone in this. I don't have my 3 brothers for support and they really don't understand what this is like. My mom is a wreck on a daily basis and I don't have an outlet. Sherry is here for me but she has allot going on too and I cant and don't expect her to jump for me. I know that she would if I asked but the bottom line here is that I have 3 brothers and if they don't want to help me... forget me! Its there mom and dad too! Out of my brothers, Mark seems to visit the most. He is here usually once a week. Joe was here about 3 weeks ago and has not come by since nor has he called. I hate to talk like this but the day is going to come when dad will not be here anymore. I know that I am doing and have done everything I can for him. I wonder if some people are going to have regrets.
I love my family. I just wish they understood whats going on and how it hurts my mom, my dad and me that they don't visit him more.
posted by Chris at 9:50 PM
3 Comments:
dearest chris i know your going through a hell that no-one can say why or who or what we feel at this time please for your sake and your mothers let these feelings go just do your best with the love and caring that only you have make them both as comfortable as possible keep showing your love and devotion and above all keep those prayers going you are cuddled in gods arms to give you all the support you need on each shoulder thers a guardian angel proteching you and guiding you stay focused and remember the serentity prayer god give us strength to accept the things we cannot change bless you always for EVERYTHING
Hey Chris,
It's me, Bonnie? Ya know the mom who was new at being a mom and took her first trip to Cindy and Sherry's house? WITHOUT THE BABY WIPES!! YES I'M SURE YOU KNOW WHO I AM NOW...LOL AND PROBABLY NEVER FORGOT ME (due to that) LOL.
Listen, I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and your family and wishing your dad and your family the best as to be expected. We all are going through a really tough time but at least we have one another to share our thoughts and feelings. What can I say to you to make the hurting stop? I wish I had the answer...although I do feel your emotions-right there beside you and I'm hoping you are okay at this time. You know if you need anything,we are here for you. It's like a big huge family that keeps growing and growing. Please take care of yourself and just know that we are thinking of you at this time. Wishing your dad a speedy recovery.
with love, the mom who forgot the baby wipes...and...
ps: thank you for running to King Kullen for me (lol)
Bonnie (Cindy's friend)
Hi Bonie... yes I know who you are :) I will never forget running to king kullen for you. Its a rough road but I'm glad that there are people who care. Thanks for the comment.
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