What a day!
Well the day started good enough... I got up and met Sherry at the mall where her, her niece and myself had some lunch. After that we walked around a bit while Melissa slept in the stroller and then headed back to my house so my mom could see the baby. Dad was up in the kitchen this morning and when we got here with the baby, he was sleeping. Sherry left and I figured I would relax some. My brother Mark came by for dinner with his wife and kids and dad actually sat at the table with us and ate. It was great! Dad has not had dinner with us in 2 months and we were all happy he was in there with us. My niece Brieann gave him a bracelet to wear. Its this yellow thing and its supposed to stand for hope and never give up. I think that was sweet of her :)
Well the night didn't go quite as well as the day did. Not long after dinner, dad began to feel sick. Within maybe 2 hours of dinner, he became violently ill to the point that we had to call hospice. The nurse called back but was of little help. I will spare you of all the details. After being sick for 2-3 hours, he finally began to feel somewhat better. I went outside to talk to Sherry on the phone for a bit and when I came back inside, I heard both mom and dad crying and trying to keep it quiet so no one would hear them. I waited for a short while so I would not disturb them and when I thought it was OK, I went in the room. My mom went outside to be alone for a second and I turned on the Olympics and watched it with my dad for a while. My mom told me that dad asked to hold her hand and she wanted to know why. She thought maybe he wanted to sit up but he said he just wanted to hold her hand. That broke her heart and mine as well. He must be so afraid of whats going to happen to him. I did my best to assure mom that tomorrow is another day and lets just hope he feels better. Then she told me that he was afraid that he would never see me married. Through it all I kept my best game face on and did a great job at not looking as depressed as I truly am. I'm alone now. Now its safe. As I said in one of my other posts, I am indeed human... and now I can break.
Dad is sleeping now. Tonight took allot out of him. I hope he sleeps comfortably tonight and tomorrow we will start over again. I will be starting work again in a few weeks. One of the perks of working for a school is being able to have the summer off. Time is running out now though and I really want to get the ball rolling with Sloan Kettering. Its hard though because of the hospice. As great as it is, they will not permit a visit to a hospital. We will have to take him off hospice first but then we will loose the hospital bed and the meds will no longer be free. Can someone tell me why life is so hard? Why does my poor father have to go through this?
Well thats all for now. I have not had any real sleep for the better part of 4 days now. I guess I'll climb into bed and watch the shadows change on the celling as the sun comes up. Good night all.
Well the night didn't go quite as well as the day did. Not long after dinner, dad began to feel sick. Within maybe 2 hours of dinner, he became violently ill to the point that we had to call hospice. The nurse called back but was of little help. I will spare you of all the details. After being sick for 2-3 hours, he finally began to feel somewhat better. I went outside to talk to Sherry on the phone for a bit and when I came back inside, I heard both mom and dad crying and trying to keep it quiet so no one would hear them. I waited for a short while so I would not disturb them and when I thought it was OK, I went in the room. My mom went outside to be alone for a second and I turned on the Olympics and watched it with my dad for a while. My mom told me that dad asked to hold her hand and she wanted to know why. She thought maybe he wanted to sit up but he said he just wanted to hold her hand. That broke her heart and mine as well. He must be so afraid of whats going to happen to him. I did my best to assure mom that tomorrow is another day and lets just hope he feels better. Then she told me that he was afraid that he would never see me married. Through it all I kept my best game face on and did a great job at not looking as depressed as I truly am. I'm alone now. Now its safe. As I said in one of my other posts, I am indeed human... and now I can break.
Dad is sleeping now. Tonight took allot out of him. I hope he sleeps comfortably tonight and tomorrow we will start over again. I will be starting work again in a few weeks. One of the perks of working for a school is being able to have the summer off. Time is running out now though and I really want to get the ball rolling with Sloan Kettering. Its hard though because of the hospice. As great as it is, they will not permit a visit to a hospital. We will have to take him off hospice first but then we will loose the hospital bed and the meds will no longer be free. Can someone tell me why life is so hard? Why does my poor father have to go through this?
Well thats all for now. I have not had any real sleep for the better part of 4 days now. I guess I'll climb into bed and watch the shadows change on the celling as the sun comes up. Good night all.
posted by Chris at 11:01 PM
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